Moss Adams Voices

When Joleen Lawson (she/her) joined Moss Adams in 2021, she also joined the Disability business resource group (BRG) to be a better friend, partner, and family member to her loved ones experiencing disability. She had no idea at the time how the BRG would fundamentally readjust her perceptions, connect the dots on her early life experiences, and answer questions about anxiety that she never thought to ask. Now co-learning officer for the BRG, Joleen explores her recent diagnosis to commemorate National Disability Independence Day.

I know you’re a proud leader of inclusion and diversity (I&D) at Moss Adams. Is this a personal passion of yours?

Words sometimes escape me when I think about how much the firm’s commitment to I&D means to me. Moss Adams offers so much support, including the Inclusion & Social Responsibility team, which helps the I&D leaders and their initiatives. It helps me feel like I could be at the firm for a long time. I believe I could become a partner here because I’m growing my leadership skills in the Disability BRG, and I meet people in leadership with my experiences. We can always go further, but we’re doing what we can.

Engaging with the BRGs at Moss Adams has redirected many of my perceptions. I grew up with a limited understanding of some things, especially mental health. The Disability BRG opened my eyes to understand how any disability, visible or invisible, might show up in people’s lives—and disability can affect anyone at any time. It might be short-term or permanent, but it’s a marginalization that crosses many communities. This kind of learning has led to discussions that influenced my relationships.

Can you expand on how those learnings from the Disability BRG have affected you?

For one thing, I didn’t know about Spring Health, a mental health resource available to support Moss Adams team members. The BRG offers a lot of education, so I joined to be better in my relationships.

Then, I had an awful time at work. I felt anxious about going in and interacting with some challenging team projects. I decided to try Spring Health. The therapist I spoke with told me what I was feeling might be more clinical than I realized, so I sought a second opinion and explored it further.

Eventually, I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder and depression. I finally understood why I had so many moments where I felt anxious in my life. I wouldn’t have figured that out without the Spring Health sessions I found through the Disability BRG.

What are some of those moments in your life that make sense after your diagnosis?

I grew up thinking I was a perfectionist. I’d cry to my mom if I didn’t do well on a test or get anxious about performing in our band concerts. It felt like my brain was wired to predict the future, so I structured my life around the many possibilities of what might happen. When I spoke to the Spring Health therapist, I learned that perfectionism might be a symptom of my anxiety. It’s a coping mechanism for my anxious thoughts; if I do everything perfectly right, there’s nothing left to be anxious about.

Depression interacts with that. On high anxiety days when I can’t get anything done, I obsess over how that will affect the future, which leaves me feeling exhausted and unable to do anything. Some days, it’s hard to get out of bed or care for myself. Then, I worry about whether I’m doing enough around the house or presenting well at work. I worry I’m oversharing if I talk about it with my partner Sean, which leads to guilt. I don’t want to feel like a burden. Fortunately, Sean is great. I’m so lucky to have him.

That inspired me to be a co-learning officer with the Disability BRG. My experience relates to what many of us have gone through, which is why we chose Anxiety and Burnout Within the Disability Community as this year’s theme for National Disability Independence Day.

Can you speak to that theme and what you hope folks understand about the disability community?

It’s important that people know disabilities might exacerbate each other. For example, those with mental disabilities may be physically affected by them. Giving 100% might not always be possible because one bad interaction at a coffee shop can seriously redirect the rest of your day. If you were a professional football player and broke your leg, your team would be supportive, and your recovery would be financially covered. People within the disability community hope our colleagues and employers will help us, too.

I’ve been fortunate that my team understands when I’m having a high anxiety day, but I know that’s not the case for everyone everywhere. Even though burnout and disability can affect anyone at any time, it’s still an intangible subject for many people. Living with a disability carries a lot of weight on its own, but it’s heavier when it’s hard to communicate with people or they don’t understand.

When I was diagnosed, I rejected it because of the stigma. My colleague Alisa helped me feel comfortable opening up and accepting myself. Genuine empathy is so helpful, and it doesn’t take much effort. Having even one person be your safe space makes a difference.

That’s what makes the Disability BRG so special for me. We’re all finding community and empowerment with each other. We’re working hard to encourage more authentic conversation around disability. We want people to feel comfortable listening in.

Go Beyond the Desk

At Moss Adams, we believe in the power of possible to empower our clients and people to pursue success however they define it. Explore stories about our professionals, including their personal achievements, at our Beyond the Desk page.